Grief First Response Protocol

A protocol for the first days and weeks after experiencing a significant loss — death of a loved one, end of a major relationship, loss of a career or identity, or any event that shatters your sense of normalcy. Week 1 — Immediate needs: (1) Let your body lead. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to sleep, sleep. If you can't sleep, rest. Grief is physiologically exhausting. (2) Accept practical help. When people say 'Let me know if you need anything,' say: 'Yes — could you bring dinner Tuesday?' or 'Could you pick up the kids Thursday?' Specific requests get fulfilled; vague offers expire. (3) Eat, drink water, take medications. Basic self-care is easily forgotten. (4) Don't make major decisions. Selling the house, changing jobs, moving — these can wait months. Month 1 — Stabilization: (5) Allow grief to be non-linear. Good hours and bad hours, good days and bad days. This oscillation is normal (Dual Process Model). (6) Maintain one routine: one anchor point in your daily life that provides structure. (7) Permit yourself to feel whatever you feel — including numbness, anger, guilt, relief, or humor. All are normal grief responses. Ongoing: (8) Grief doesn't follow a timeline. 'Getting over it' is a myth — you integrate loss, you don't overcome it. (9) Seek a grief support group or grief counselor if the intensity isn't decreasing after 3-6 months.

When to use it

Immediately following any significant loss. Share this protocol with someone who has just experienced a loss — they are unlikely to seek it themselves. Also useful for anticipatory grief (expected but not yet occurred losses) and disenfranchised grief (losses that aren't socially acknowledged).